LIFE | It's Happening

It's happening.

2015 was one of the worst year in my life. I failed a lot of times in my life, so failures do not shake me. I started many businesses that failed to take off, but it did not sway me. Perseverance has been one of my strong points, which made my husband first fell in love with me. But 2015 beat me down to the ground, covered me in mud (or lava, i think it was lava) and pushed my head under the dirt.

Not only my previous business failed, I had three miscarriages in a single year.

I won't go as far as saying a woman is considered successful when she bears a child, because that is untrue and I personally don't agree with the statement. But my husband and I personally being trying to conceive, and having a hope planted in my womb and ripped off was something that lived with me. It was hard, and there were a lot of tears in the shower, when I was driving, or in the middle of the night. It sucked the life out of me, and I lost a lot of happiness. 

Some people certainly did not help by giving uncouth comments or asking when am I going to actually have a child. Not only it wasn't anyone's business, it was hurtful. But amidst all these ignorant comments, there were people who held my hand and told me "it's okay".

It's okay.

You are not defined by your ability to conceive, or to produce a human being. Your journey, the story of your life, and your destination is different from others. You don't have to be pressured into doing something just because the people around you seem to be doing it effortlessly.

I remembered my sister told me, rezeki (blessings) from God won't miss you if it is intended for you. There is no use to cry for something that is not intended for you. Your story will paved itself rightfully at the right time. After almost a year, instead of continue to dwell over my losses, I chose to accept what happened and embrace the pain as part of my story.

And so after a conversation with my husband, we discovered that both of us were not ready to have a child at all at that time. It was a surprise to both of us (communicate more, guys!). We were trying to conceive just because it was what was expected of us. And so we went on our merry ways and enjoyed the rest of our lives!

But it's happening now. We did not plan this. We weren't pressured. We lived and let live. Nevertheless, both of us certainly want this to happen this time around. It's a serendipity. We weren't pressured, we did not succumb to others expectation, it just happened. And we are thankful.

Another couple of months till I see you, little one.